he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
