As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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