Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
