His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize