I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
