party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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