I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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