And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize