I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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