Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
