if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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