They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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