She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
