Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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