My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
