my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
