so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
