I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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