In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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