Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
