I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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