and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
