I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
