I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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