im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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