He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
