took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
