My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
