so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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