I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
