According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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