I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
