He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there is glitter all over my balls
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
