I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
