i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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