how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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