just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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