Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize