I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
