i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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