in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
