I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
