Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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