He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
