Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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