I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
