you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
