just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize