my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
