Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
