Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
