I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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