Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
