Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
