a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
