we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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