he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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