Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
