I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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