I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
