dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
