I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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