Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize