Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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