maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
