So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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