the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
