How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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