I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
