I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
