Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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