I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You did what with his pubic hair?
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