Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
