A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need help removing her.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
