i'm signing you up for texting rehab
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
