somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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