i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we're chasing vodka with high fives
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
