She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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