I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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