just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
