the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
