he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize