O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fuck appropriateness.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
