I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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