my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You smell like stripper and shame
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
