I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
