as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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