Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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