I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
