My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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