Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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