well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
