her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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