i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
