how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
