kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
