Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
