Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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