We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
