you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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