she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
