He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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