Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
