Moan for me like Helen Keller
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
