so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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