You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
