not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
