look no pants
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
