Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
